LE PETIT PARADIS

By LaToya Dawkins

At the tender age of three several of our preschoolers have learned some of the ways they can get what they want from life. They learn what behaviors they need to display in order to get a treat before dinner, they understand that they do not have to pick something up off of the floor because their nanny will do it and preschoolers also learn that if they pout their faces long enough, they will not have to brush their teeth. Our preschoolers have become programmed. They understand the laws of cause and effect. However, as soon as they display behaviors that show that they have been “ill-programmed” it is our responsibility to make steps towards deprogramming.

Preschoolers can make us very weak. Their smiles and laughs can make our hearts melt and their tears make us come to their rescue. If they are hurt or sad we enjoy being the ones to comfort and console them. However, there are some tears shed not because they are hurt or sad but because they cannot have what they want, when they want it. These behaviors may even turn into public tantrums. They must be deprogrammed. It can be difficult to de-spoil a spoiled child but gradual steps can be taken. When the child begins to cry because their request has been denied do not begin to negotiate with them. For example, “If you stop crying, I will take you to the movies this weekend.” The initial response should affirm the child and name the emotions that they are displaying. “Honey, I love you and I am sorry that you are sad but you may not snatch your brothers toys from his hand.” If they continue to cry, physical space should be given and then return every so often so make sure they are not hurting themselves or others. Eventually, the crying will stop. Affirm the child and address their emotions, and state the expected behavior. Refrain from being completely silent this may only cause the preschooler to act out in more extreme ways.

As preschoolers grow and change, they begin to develop better skills and more control over their bodies. Though, preschoolers all develop at different rates, their are some basic skills that they all should develop by specific ages. For example, their fine motor skills should strengthen between the ages of two and three. If by 2.9 years old, your preschoolers fine motors skills are still similar to when they were 2.1 years old, it is time to deprogram. Most likely, too many tasks that require fine motor skills have been done for them. When preschoolers are too dependent on others to complete a task they should be able to complete on their own, it is best to observe the dependency (what,when and where) and refrain from helping the child. Encourage them to try to complete the task on their own and provide more activities that will resolve their lack of skill and allow them to become more independent. Do not be afraid to see them struggle or to see them frustrated. Support their need for independence.

Lastly, everyone has the power of choice and free will, including our preschoolers. However, when their rebellion begins to harm others, themselves, or becomes redundant at specific places and times, it is time to deprogram. As they are refusing to complete a certain task, it is best to speak in a low tone and talk at eye level. Again, like de-spoiling, affirm the child and address their emotions. Then give them acceptable choices to choose from. “Lacey, I know that you would like to play with blocks by yourself, however these blocks are for everyone in the class. Would you like to give some of the blocks to Peter or would you like me to give Peter some of the blocks.” Be firm and swift, do not beg or plead.

Deprogramming your preschooler can be challenging but with careful observation and consistency they can be programmed to be the best version of themselves.