LE PETIT PARADIS

The True Meaning of Time Out for Preschoolers

Thu, 12 May 2011 11:50:00 +0000

By LaToya Dawkins

As cute and lovable as our preschoolers are, their need to explore and discover can sometimes lead them into disobedience and defiance. They say, “yes” and we say, “no.” They do something they are repeatedly told not to do, or they use physical harm to communicate how they are feeling. Whatever the naughty behavior is, sometimes, they end up in “Time Out,” which is a form of punishment. Its purpose is to teach the child that the behavior they are displaying is unacceptable. However, if we as educators, caregivers, or parents are not careful, the misuse of time out can cause significant discipline damage.

When should time out be used? After the child’s negative behavior has been addressed verbally to the child. The poor behavior must be labeled, (i.e. punching, spitting), the child ought to know why the behavior is negative (i.e. someone can be hurt, it is impolite), and the caretaker should notify the child that their conduct is not acceptable. It is a good idea to repeat several times, for each negative behavior, before the child is put in time out. Caretakers must also refrain from threatening time out when the opposing act has only been addressed once. More than likely, the first time that it was addressed, your preschooler may not fully understand the negative connotations of their actions.

Where and how should time out be used? In an applicable environment such as home, school or park. Not during a social event or in an environment where the child cannot be watched. Time out should never be used as a form of isolation wherein the child is out of sight and out of mind. It is a break from the negative behavior and used to emphasize positive behavior. Before the child is removed from time out, it is helpful to readdress the issues and ask them if they are ready to rejoin their group.

As adults, we know some days are better than others. If a child is having a difficult day, it would be best to refrain from using time out as much as possible. Often, if I notice a child has been displaying more negative behavior than the norm, I will ask them if they are feeling okay and I will also encourage them to relax throughout the day by either reading a book or playing an independent game. The child needs to understand that though they have a right to be sad or angry, they do not have the right to hurt themselves or others. Like any form of punishment, time out should not be given in anger but in love. Discipline helps our preschoolers become productive citizens in society.

Preschoolers and Spring Joy

Thu, 05 May 2011 12:02:00 +0000

By LaToya Dawkins

Joy is the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying. Joy is a feeling that comes deep from within ourselves. It is deeper than happiness because it is not as temporary and not as easily lost. Most of the time when we feel we are experiencing joy, we are actually experiencing happiness. Joy will change our appearance and change our very state of being because it is not easily lost by outside influences. I always wondered why preschoolers enjoy the box more than the gift inside. It is because their contentment goes beyond materialistic things.

Preschoolers amaze me with the joy that they exhibit. The other day, I had a young child over at my house for a birthday party. He was elated to know that at the end of the evening he would be able to take a balloon home. At first, his persistence about receiving the balloon was a bit overwhelming with a room filled with people. However, later that evening, I began to think about the joy he showed when he received the balloon. At that moment, nothing in the world seemed as important. His heart and his mind were in tuned to one thing and once he received that one thing his heart and mind became filled with joy.

As mentioned in the previous blog, spring brings things back to life. In the very moment that spring arrives nothing can keep the trees from becoming green and the flowers from blooming. Joy can take a heart that was once dull and bare and restore it. Preschoolers make me think of spring joy because they live in the moment. Their joy is found in the little things in life. Things that we often dismiss or disregard. Do we ever stop to smell the roses, literally? Do the birds chirping outside our window in the morning bring a smile to our face? Do we allow the small things to elate us with joy?

In relation to joy there are a few things we can learn from our preschoolers. When they are joyful about something it is because they experience joy before they receive what their heart desires. They visualize the joy they will experience. Oftentimes, they are deeply disappointed and will even show anger when they cannot receive what their hearts are yearning for. Life has taught us adults to not set our hopes so high and to protect ourselves from disappointment. Preschoolers are not afraid to experience pure emotion. During this season of spring let’s take a moment to experience life and the little joys it bring; the joy our preschoolers can bring into our lives.

Spring Love in Preschoolers

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 11:59:00 +0000

By LaToya Dawkins

Preschoolers are innocent. Their lack of life experiences leaves them untainted by the negativities and the biases of this world. Their emotions are pure and come straight from the heart. Though their mood changes from time to time and they are easily distracted, when they are sad they display sadness and when they are happy they show happiness. Preschoolers are a joy to be around because they are energetic and in their world, there is little to trouble them.

Last week at drop off one of my preschoolers said to their father, "I love you daddy." Then they wrap their little arms around their father’s neck and gave him a tight hug. It brought tears to my eyes because the exchange was not provoked or driven by extrinsic motivation. It was pure. It made me ponder the difference between adult love and preschool love. What can we learn about love through their example?

Spring time is a season wherein things that were once dead come back to life. Spring brings beauty, color, and music. Preschoolers love makes me think of spring. They can make you laugh when you're sad. Their laughter can bring color to a dull day and for most preschoolers there is always a song in their heart. How often do we genuinely smile or laugh throughout the day? Daily, is there a song in our hearts? Do we ever bring color and beauty to someone else's day? We could learn a thing or two about love from our preschoolers. It would keep us young and beautiful.

As spring continues to blossom during this season, let's look to our preschoolers to learn a few things about love and life. 1 Corinthians 13, a famous verse read at weddings says, “Love is patient, and love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails." preschoolers come closer to understanding this wisdom than we do. Let us learn from them for a change.

Serving Your Child Without Servant Hood

Thu, 21 Apr 2011 12:05:00 +0000

By LaToya Dawkins

Our preschoolers have a way of working magic on us. We want to teach, guide and nurture them. We would like to know that we are doing everything in our power to help them succeed in life. In this regard, we make sure they are getting the proper amount of rest, we provide the healthiest foods for them, we attempt to send them to the best schools, and we show them love and tenderness. However, do we ever reach a point wherein we are doing too much for our preschoolers? Is there such a thing? Though our preschoolers deserve our full attention, help, and security, we must not mentally paralyze them. We should provide enough assistance and help for them to eventually do things on their own.

As an early childhood educator, I work with children in large groups, small groups and individually. During these times, it is easy for me to decipher which children do not do much on their own and which are given opportunities to do for themselves. Sometimes the differences between the “independent” children and the “dependent” children are significant. For example, dependent children may not be developing the proper gross motor skills because someone is always carrying them or they have difficulty eating finger foods because someone is always feeding them. When a child is given the opportunity to be independent, delays in certain skills or stages will not be as prevalent.

The independent child is also not afraid to try new things. Before they try a new activity or toy, they will look to their guardian for reassurance but they will be willing to try because they are self-sufficient. The dependent child may not be as daring and oftentimes expect their guardian to routinely do the things they cannot. Dependency becomes a burden to both the receiver and the giver because there is always an expectancy that neither can be without the other. For some parents, their child’s dependency on them assures them that they are loved and needed; however, as the child grows their lack of independence will keep them from pursuing opportunities on their own.

“Serving without Servant hood” means that the person you provide services for understands that you are not liable to attend to their every beck and call. They also understand that the services you provide are temporary and are subject to change over time. The same concept can be used with your preschoolers. It is always helpful to reflect on the things that we do when caring for children. The affects we have on them can last a lifetime.

Keeping Your Promises

Thu, 14 Apr 2011 12:56:00 +0000

By LaToya Dawkins

It has been a long day at work and your preschooler wants to have pancakes the next morning. They are jumping up and down and pulling on your shirt tail, saying, “Can I please have pancakes in the morning.” They don’t feel “Sure,” is an acceptable answer. Then you say, “Yes, I promise.” When the next morning comes, you are too exhausted to peel yourself out of the bed. There were no pancakes. You give your preschooler a simple apology, explain how sick you are, and then assure them that they will have pancakes the next day. In this scenario, the broken promise seems permissible because you were sick. However, a few more broken promises like these will eventually mislead your preschooler into thinking that keeping their word is not important.

As I child, I grew up believing that If I was told something, it was going to happen. I was not aware of circumstances or situations wherein, what I was told, may not happen. This is one of the things that allow our preschoolers and children to view us as superheroes, for most of their adolescence, because we can make anything happen. Most of our intentions are innocent and we truly do not intend to not follow through on the things that we say but unexpected things do happen. However, there are times when our schedules are too busy, our days are too long and we make unrealistic promises to our preschoolers.

“Mean what you say and say what you mean.” This is a common phrase that my mother used to say to me. It reminds me to be direct and realistic when I speak. It is an important concept to remember when we are dealing with others. Giving as much detail as possible, always works better with preschoolers. If you walk past the zoo and say to your preschooler, “I am going to take you there.” Initially, they will be happy. However, if you walk past that zoo again and you have not taken them there, they will ask you when they are going and remind you that you said you would take them there. It is always best to give a time frame. For example, “After your baby sister begins to crawl, I will take you to the zoo.” It gives the preschooler something to rely on. Then it is your responsibility to keep your word.

We must always set a good example for our preschoolers. They watch us and learn how to operate through life by the life we live before them. In my classroom, I constantly remind my children of the things that they say. It is a great discipline tool. For example, before we go to the park, I may remind one of my students about climbing up the slide and they will tell me that they will not climb up the slide. Once we get to the park and I see them climbing, I will remind them of the conversation we had before we left the school. More than likely, they will not climb up the slide again. We must teach our preschoolers the value of their words. One day, many people, including their boss, spouse, and children, will depend on their promises.

The Power Struggle

Wed, 30 Mar 2011 13:08:00 +0000

By LaToya Dawkins

As human beings, there is an adrenaline power within us that is inexplicable. Ask the mother who lifted a car to save her trapped baby or the little girl who pushed her sister out of the way of a moving truck and lost one leg and broke a few ribs. Also, there is a daily power in us that allows us to make it through the day and function effectively even when we are mentally and physically exhausted. Then there is a relational power we exhibit over our subordinates at work or our children at home. However, is power truly exhibited in our relationships? Is it a constant struggle? Do we really have power over others?

All throughout the day, we encounter power struggles with our preschoolers. It could begin with brushing their teeth in the morning or saying sorry to someone they hit. Whatever the scenario, we struggle with them. We try to get them to do, what we want them to. Does this seem fair? Constantly trying to get someone to do what we want them to? The next time you find yourself within a power struggle with your preschooler, there are key principles you must remember.

First, we have no power over anyone but ourselves. Though we have authority to delegate to our preschoolers, we cannot control them. Secondly, we have a responsibility to protect them and keep them safe. If they are determined to do something harmful to themselves or to others we have the authority to intervene. Lastly, our "powers" should be used for good and not evil. It should be used to provide our preschoolers with opportunities and lessons they need to become great individuals, not the individuals we force them to be.

The power struggle can be frustrating but we have to decide not to withdraw from the struggle with our preschoolers; rather, think of the solution or the underlining reason for it. We should ask ourselves questions like, “Is what I am asking too much to ask for?” “Is this important?” “Is my preschooler about to do something that is not good for themselves or others?” “Is this matter worth the struggle?” Asking ourselves these questions before we enter into tug of war with our preschoolers, will give us a rational perspective. There are so many things worth fighting for but the fight is not with our preschoolers it should be for them. In our care, it is their right to be safe, nourished and nurtured individuals.

Stan Lee, an American writer, editor, and memoirist of superhero comic books including Spider-Man once said, “With great power comes great responsibility.” To our preschoolers, we are superheroes. It is a privilege to be a parent or an educator but we should not abuse our power.

Morphing Into a Butterfly

Thu, 24 Mar 2011 12:02:00 +0000

By LaToya Dawkins

In my class, we read a book called The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle that explains how a very hungry caterpillar ate so much food to prepare for his transformation into his cocoon and then into a beautiful butterfly. It is a fun story that gets my students into counting and enthused about all the different types of foods he ate. It also goes through the four phases of the butterfly; the egg, larvae, cocoon, and then the butterfly. In comparison, this cycle can relate to us as humans. The egg is our conception and growth in our mother’s womb, the larva or caterpillar phase is our childhood, the cocoon is our teenage/early adulthood years (this phase may last longer), and the butterfly stage would be our adulthood. This time of year, I begin to introduce this life cycle to my preschoolers. They are excited about spring time, the trees are changing and they constantly ask me questions about the caterpillar in its cocoon. Our preschoolers do not realize they also are going through a life cycle and right now they are caterpillars. We can help preschoolers turn into beautiful butterflies instead of butterflies with wings that crumble.

Preschool falls into the caterpillar phase. During this phase, the caterpillar’s main job is to eat and grow. This phase is crucial. If the larva is not properly nourished, it cannot move onto the next stage in the life cycle. Our preschoolers also are in a delicate phase in their life. They need to be nourished and fed the right foods to grow physically. Family meals help children eat more healthily. Studies have shown that children who have regular family meals are more likely to eat more fruits and vegetables and try new foods. It is very important that we model the right foods in front of them. My preschoolers strongly believe that candy is not good for them and when they see me eat it, they remind me!

During this caterpillar stage, children also need structure and routine. Children go through many transitions including school, family, and life transitions. However, providing a daily routine will help them deal with inevitable changes. Structure is more than just being repetitive; it is a systematic framework that supports your preschooler’s basic needs such as sleep, nutrition, and love. During the larva stage, the caterpillar is consistently shedding old skin to allow new skin to grow. The new skin allows the caterpillar to grow larger for its pupa. It is important that we do not hinder our preschooler’s growth but the least we can do is give them room to develop.

One of the greatest gifts my parents gave me was discipline. Discipline is more than just “dos and don'ts," it is a way of life. When our preschoolers become butterflies, self-discipline will help them perform well on their jobs, in their relationships and in life. It is a system that trains and teaches preschoolers how the actions they take affect themselves and others. For example, if a preschooler takes their older sibling's toy, it should not be dismissed because they are younger. However, it should be addressed as an inconsiderate act. Discipline can also be learned through a craft such as dancing or martial arts. The skills learned, will give them the training and structure they need to comprehend self-control and independence.

Once our preschoolers become butterflies, the cycle can never begin again. Nevertheless, the opportunities that we provide for them now, can help them have a positive impact on their own caterpillars some day. The cycle begins with us!

How To Help Your Preschooler Make Friends and Not Enemies

Thu, 17 Mar 2011 11:45:00 +0000

By LaToya Dawkins

I know a woman who battled with friendships her entire life but I remember the day that she realized the solution of her struggle, “In order to have a friend, you have to be a friend.” Friendships are solid relationships where those involved benefit from the constant exchange of communication, empathy, and love. In life, it is easy to gain a friend but twice as easy to lose a one. It is important that our preschoolers develop skills that will help them make friends and not enemies with their peers. Friendships will help them grow as individuals and teach them healthy boundaries and acceptable societal practices in their relationships.

As an educator, I have noticed that some of the most valuable skills a child can develop are communication skills. Not only do these skills help them relate and connect to the world around them, it also helps them manage their relationships. These days, their relationships are more complex than a simple mommy-child relationship. They have nanny-child, peer-peer, teacher-child, and other variegated relationships. In these assorted relationships they must learn how to communicate in a respectable way. In my classroom, harsh comments towards anyone are intolerable but expressing feelings or opinions calmly and rationally are strongly encouraged.

We all have heard the saying, “Sharing is caring.” For preschoolers, this saying sheds light on their daily interactions with other children. A NYU developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst explains, “Self-centeredness is a natural outgrowth of one of the toddler's major concerns: What is me and what is mine...? This is why most toddlers are incapable of sharing ... To a toddler, what's his is what he can get his hands on.... When something is taken away from him, he feels as though a piece of him—an integral piece—is being torn from him.” Therefore sharing is also a learned skill. Repetitively, I explain to my preschoolers that sharing our things allows us to share our happiness with others and I remind them how good they feel when someone shares with them. In situations where they refuse, I often give them a choice. Either they share or I will help them share (i.e. give their friend a piece of their play dough). They need to understand that sometimes sharing is not optional (i.e. moving over to allow someone to sit down next to them during circle time).

As adults, our relationships thrive on communication; however, empathy is what shapes our deeper relationships. Empathy is not a learned skill because we cannot teach our preschoolers to be vicariously and intellectually involved with their peers feelings or thoughts. Nevertheless, we can show them how to be sensitive towards others. For example, when a child is crying because they have been hurt, I will address the sadness and pain to the other children. They often will respond about a time when they were hurt, which in adult relationships would be a selfish thing to do; however, it is the beginning stages of them relating to someone else’s pain. The ancient Greek tragedian, Sophocles, quoted, “One who knows how to show and to accept kindness will be a friend better than any possession”.

This spring, help your child blossom in their relationships. Through your love, empathy, and compassion, show them how to make friends and not enemies.

Quotes were taken from http://quotes.dictionary.com

Helping Your Child Communicate Better

Tue, 15 Mar 2011 12:23:00 +0000

By LaToya Dawkins

Some of our preschoolers have the gift of talking, while others can go through an entire day without saying a word. Some learn how to talk before they learn how to walk and others after. Often times, parents are concerned if their children do not begin to talk at their expected age because being able to verbally express yourself is a sign of intelligence. Yes, talking is important but communicating and articulating your words, is of the utmost importance. It is imperative that preschoolers learn to communicate in a way that will help others understand them and in a way that will help them understand others. Whether communication for a preschooler has been delayed or booming there are ways to help your preschooler communicate better.

Communication is the key to understanding the world around us. We learn to talk in all types of ways, including body language and reading. However, the main way most people learn how to communicate is by listening to others around them. When talking to our preschoolers we must remember to speak their language. Oftentimes, their language is simple but detailed, colorful but minimal. We must learn to talk the same way. When explaining a new idea, we can be more effective by explaining a lot with the least amount of detail. For example, when explaining an object, always have it with you because your preschooler can connect what you’re communicating to what they are seeing. They will receive more information and it will prompt them to ask questions. Before either of you realize it, you will be conversing with your preschooler. As their communication skills continue to develop, challenge them and gradually begin to communicate in a more complex way.

Questions are what encourage your child to communicate. When they are asked open-ended questions, it causes them to think, gather their thoughts, and verbally release those thoughts. It also helps them to think more abstractly and therefore communicate in an elaborate way. When asking our preschoolers questions, we should try to stay away from asking repetitive, rhetorical and unrelated questions; they should be different, promotable and related to the current setting or circumstance. The goal is to get them to think intuitively and then formulate their words in a comprehensive way.

As adults we can go throughout our day multi-tasking while hearing our preschoolers talk but we should try to give our preschoolers our undivided attention when they are communicating with us. Attention includes eye contact and active listening. While we are actively listening, we will be prepared to ask further questions to support the verbal exchange. As they are talking, we must try our best to not pressure them or rush them. Sometimes, as our preschoolers are developing their ideas, it causes them to hesitate or communicate in broken phrases. As a teacher, when I see a child that develops ideas faster in their head than the way they speak, I often tell them to think about what they want to say and then talk. To that end, I affirm them and show them that what they are trying to say to me is important.

Therefore, in regards to the rules of communication, the easiest way to communicate the rules is for me to simply advise you to “Stop, look and listen.”

Deprogramming your Preschooler

Tue, 08 Mar 2011 13:21:00 +0000

By LaToya Dawkins

At the tender age of three several of our preschoolers have learned some of the ways they can get what they want from life. They learn what behaviors they need to display in order to get a treat before dinner, they understand that they do not have to pick something up off of the floor because their nanny will do it and preschoolers also learn that if they pout their faces long enough, they will not have to brush their teeth. Our preschoolers have become programmed. They understand the laws of cause and effect. However, as soon as they display behaviors that show that they have been “ill-programmed” it is our responsibility to make steps towards deprogramming.

Preschoolers can make us very weak. Their smiles and laughs can make our hearts melt and their tears make us come to their rescue. If they are hurt or sad we enjoy being the ones to comfort and console them. However, there are some tears shed not because they are hurt or sad but because they cannot have what they want, when they want it. These behaviors may even turn into public tantrums. They must be deprogrammed. It can be difficult to de-spoil a spoiled child but gradual steps can be taken. When the child begins to cry because their request has been denied do not begin to negotiate with them. For example, “If you stop crying, I will take you to the movies this weekend.” The initial response should affirm the child and name the emotions that they are displaying. “Honey, I love you and I am sorry that you are sad but you may not snatch your brothers toys from his hand.” If they continue to cry, physical space should be given and then return every so often so make sure they are not hurting themselves or others. Eventually, the crying will stop. Affirm the child and address their emotions, and state the expected behavior. Refrain from being completely silent this may only cause the preschooler to act out in more extreme ways.

As preschoolers grow and change, they begin to develop better skills and more control over their bodies. Though, preschoolers all develop at different rates, their are some basic skills that they all should develop by specific ages. For example, their fine motor skills should strengthen between the ages of two and three. If by 2.9 years old, your preschoolers fine motors skills are still similar to when they were 2.1 years old, it is time to deprogram. Most likely, too many tasks that require fine motor skills have been done for them. When preschoolers are too dependent on others to complete a task they should be able to complete on their own, it is best to observe the dependency (what,when and where) and refrain from helping the child. Encourage them to try to complete the task on their own and provide more activities that will resolve their lack of skill and allow them to become more independent. Do not be afraid to see them struggle or to see them frustrated. Support their need for independence.

Lastly, everyone has the power of choice and free will, including our preschoolers. However, when their rebellion begins to harm others, themselves, or becomes redundant at specific places and times, it is time to deprogram. As they are refusing to complete a certain task, it is best to speak in a low tone and talk at eye level. Again, like de-spoiling, affirm the child and address their emotions. Then give them acceptable choices to choose from. “Lacey, I know that you would like to play with blocks by yourself, however these blocks are for everyone in the class. Would you like to give some of the blocks to Peter or would you like me to give Peter some of the blocks.” Be firm and swift, do not beg or plead.

Deprogramming your preschooler can be challenging but with careful observation and consistency they can be programmed to be the best version of themselves.